Committed to finding ways out of the coercion/self-sacrifice mire of conventional parenting. We are variously critical rationalists, libertarians, home educators, attachment-parents, but we take our ideas where we find them.
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We just watched the video of this Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. Apart from being brilliant (seriously, I totally recommend it) it brought up issues of religious metaphor and spiritual belief which are nearly as deep as those in.... Lord of the Rings (!!)
Not too long ago, I was reading a book about The Creation (erm, gift from relatives) to a small person, and realised they had managed to survive a fair while in the world without ever having come across the concept of God. It just hadn't ever come up. Well, I suppose the concept of Communism and the concept of fairies and the bottom of the garden hadn't come up either- when your interests are mostly lego-related, those things don't bear much relevance.
Have you tried explaining what God is to a young person with no idea what you're talking about? Particularly in reference to The Creation, it's pretty hard.
"Erm... some people think the world was made by one very important man..." Hmm, no, that won't do. "Some people think there is a kind of very very good world-leader who...um... made everything in seven days." Nope. It's a crazy story, and it sounds like a crazy story.
Watching Cats, the idea of reincarnation came up, with similar difficulties. "Some people think that when you die, you come back as another...erm... person..." I wish I could sum up adequately a certain expression of aghast amazement, but I can't.
The point I want to make here is, human beings don't need to make up fairy-stories in order to live a happy life and not be terrified of death. They don't need to pretend that death doesn't exist. If there's any good way to handle the existence of death, it's by feeling autonomous and confident and enjoying your life in the moment, seems to me.
Surely children from religious families must surely feed sadness and pity for those with no religion? It's only rational and compassionate, given their world-view. But children who understand morality but don't have religion are not logically obliged to feel sad and anxious about the eternal future of everyone who doesn't agree with them. That's just one reason why I object to religious indoctrination.
Little girl (2? 3? not too good at guessing) strapped into her pushchair at bus stop. Mother holding handles - child can't see mother. Child grabs strap and tries to undo it, getting more vocal ("mumumu?"). Mother just ignores and carries on looking for the bus.
On the bus: child is given a bottle of milk. Seems quite content with that for a while, but then wants to play an "I drop it on the floor you pick it up" game. After two repeats, the mother puts the bottle out of reach.
Child reaches above her pushchair into the hood bit where her mother has stashed her gloves, handbag etc. All are removed and placed out of reach.
Mother is texting on her mobile. Child reaches for the mobile - can't reach - still restrained by the waist strap. Mother ignores, except to shake head crossly.
Child reaches for a hug. Mother ignores.
Child starts weeping. Mother ignores.
Weeping turns to the sort of writhing around that one normally sees when someone is in complete mental anguish.
My stop approaches. I extricate myself from my seat and make my way past several people down the aisle, give the child a big smile and then stick my tongue out at her. She stops crying for a moment and watches me get off the bus.
I wish I had said "your child will hate you by the time she is 13. I would, if I were her."
Most of my friends with children go back to work, at least part-time, within a year. They then spend a large proportion of their income paying for nursery care for their child. I see the advantage that it keeps their own interests going, and means they don't lose professional momentum. I see that they have large mortgages and in order to keep living in the same place and style, they need two incomes.
But I don't really understand why anyone would have a child and then pay other people to bring them up. Where's the fun in that? And why would they be surprised that the channels of communication with their children atrophy over the years?
I think that finding ways to be a parent as well as maintaining ones own interests AND not living in a cardboard box is something the two parents and the child(ren) should find creative ways of approaching, using all the resources they can think of.
This doesn't make me a 1950s throwback. I am not advocating self-sacrifice on the mother's part. Instead, creating a child turns the parents and child(ren) into a creative problem solving unit - a family - in a way that no church service or registry office ceremony can replicate.
I think most people don't think of families in those terms.
