Committed to finding ways out of the coercion/self-sacrifice mire of conventional parenting. We are variously critical rationalists, libertarians, home educators, attachment-parents, but we take our ideas where we find them.
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Sometimes, one chooses to do jobs that will bring great benefit to one's nearest and dearest (and/or others), but which one would not choose to do for the sake of one's personal immediate learning or satisfaction. The right approach is to render it painless, by making it as easy as possible to do. Prepare adequately; make the right environment, switch the TV on, get a bottle of chanpagne at the ready, and so on. Then approach the job in a relaxed state of mind, and it should be no worse than any other of the mundane activities that life still contains quite a lot of. But you might be rather tired by the time you finish. So it's important then to take a break to regenerate your mundanity batteries before doing any more mundane stuff.
I don't believe in telling kids there is a supernatural fat beardy bloke who brings them nice things if they conform to social mores and do as their parents order.
On the other hand, what if universal scepticism fails to convince an insistent child that Santa isn't real? People have an amazing capacity to believe what they want to believe. Sometimes, autonomous self-directed children simply decide something Should Be, then act accordingly.
I think it's very important not to hurt the child's feelings by insensitively telling them their heartfelt convictions are rubbish. One can convey the idea that another view exists, by saying, "some people think..." and offering them alternative views at a respectful distance. And, rationality being what it is, the child is then almost certain to adjust her ideas painlessly at some point, because they were allowed to evolve in their own pattern without being attacked or interfered with.
"Santa does exist... Santa is really daddy," is one way a child might reason this one out. Every family has their own Santa, or couple of Santas, but the nice person bringing gifts, the important part of the Santa concept, is real. Children think in complex, metaphorical ways. It's a mistake to interpret them too literally. So do adults.
I love Christmas. But this year, I realised around October that I was totally dreading it. The thought of having to buy all those presents for rellies who wouldn't probably like them, cook all that food because without it, what the hell was the point anyway, get everything wrapped up in secret in time, and make sure it was impressive and cool enough, and don't even start me on The Money.... last year, it took me a week just to decorate the house. And should we have a party? Or two parties?
Well, the first thing I did was discuss with people which things I did and didn't want to do. Immediately I mentioned The Big Dinner, someone else offered to cook it instead of me. That's when I knew all these problems had solutions. What they were, I knew not, but solutions there would be, as King Lear almost said.
The next thing I did was: nothing. For the last eight years, I had organised Christmas by Making A List. Making several lists, in fact. Alright then, I admit it: making a folder. An entire folder full of lists of who to send cards to, who to buy presents for, what food to get, and so on. Well, this year, I didn't bother.
The next thing I did was, start buying things. Then I bought a few more things, and eventually I almost had enough things to give all the people I wanted to give stuff to. I'll probably fill in the gaps next week. Shouldn't be too hard. I also started buying food, which was fun, because all the Christmas food seems to be on special offers in the supermarkets, and Christmas is a good excuse to buy loads of treats. Nearly everything keeps for ages, except the turkey/ meat, so I'll get something like that this week too. As turkey is both expensive and unpleasant, I think probably beef. There was a ham half-price in Safeway already, so we won't starve.
Yes, this is waffling detailed nonsense largely, but the point I'm trying to make is that it works as a plan. Even if, like me, you really do (when it comes down to it want to stay inside the conventions, keep the relatives happy, have a big gourmet feast and buy nice stuff for your family and yourself, it can be done without a ton of stressful boring work. The key is to be strict with yourself over your preferences. If you don't want to do something, identify it, avoid it or find someone else who does. Never, ever act out of self-sacrifice. It just makes you feel awful.
I started wrapping gifts last night. Then I realised I wasn't enjoying it. So, I stopped. Maybe a couple of glasses of champagne and a Buffy video will help next time I try that particular job. It's about organising your brain so the overall balance of activity is good: the boring job becomes satisfying instead of annoying, you stop not liking it and breeze through. (That's the kind of approach I was trying to get at in this post on my personal blog). You do want to do it (that's very important) you just also need to work out how to make it enjoyable.
So, anyway: the final ingredient for organising big family festivals without getting hectic about them is, being able to stay mentally chilled-out when lots of things are going on. I read this book about nuns once, and there was a woman in it who seriously impressed me with her meditational abilities. She was able to close her eyes for a few minutes in the most extremely difficult situations, and refresh her mind totally by imagining diving into a well. Belief in God must help a person to do this, or at least faith in some kind of universal benevolence, or an optimistic mantra such as, "Life is good, things work out if you do your best."
Yes, well, anyway, if it all goes horribly wrong and I end up yelling at in-laws and kicking family pets, maybe next year we can all just bugger off to Trinidad or Switzerland or somewhere else with Proper Weather instead.
