Committed to finding ways out of the coercion/self-sacrifice mire of conventional parenting. We are variously critical rationalists, libertarians, home educators, attachment-parents, but we take our ideas where we find them.
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My house is, by most people's standards as far as I can tell, pretty untidy. It's not the most untidy home I've ever seen. I used to know a hippy family who lived in a squat where most of the stairs were broken, neither the toilet or the cooker were ever cleaned, and the sitting-room shelves were decorated with collections of upturned burnt-out cigarettes because no-one could be bothered with ash-trays. Also, I have been to David Deutsch's house. David Deutsch is a very creative person. Read this interview. I found it very inspiring.
But my house is fairly messy. There are mushrooms growing on the wall of the washing-machine room (it's damp). There's a hole in the ceiling over the bath, and in the store room plaster rains steadily down. Most of the mess is caused by the fact that every available inch of space is being used to store some object someone took a fancy to and acquired. There's a lot of stuff in this house, so it's lucky no minimalists live here. Maximalism rules, and maximalism is not the friend of tidiness.
Tidiness is a parental way of keeping potential thing-related problems manageable. It's about knowing where things are, and having an aesthetically soothing environment. This is why modernist clean lines, minimalism and white sheets will always be popular aspirations. However, white sheets are useless if you want to do something on or in bed along the lines of, say, felt-tipped pen drawing, or eating dinner. Or decorating your partner with melted chocolate (parents of small children: that's the kind of thing people do before they are parents. You may or may not remember, depending on how sleep-deprived you are). Or going to sleep then sweating without realising it.
Anyway, the point is, clean white aesthetics are all very well, unless you want to live in them, whereupon they become pretty much impossible to do anything with other than ruin.
My suggestion of the day is a simple one: don't tidy up unless you actively feel like it. If you want to tidy up, then tidying up should be enjoyable to you. It can be very satisfying to do jobs you enjoy. I have always liked folding and hanging up washing. I nearly always do that job. Sometime I don't feel like doing it, in which case, I don't do it. My bet is, if nobody had any underwear one day, I would probably not feel resentful about either a) loading the washing machine while they waited and/or improvised, or b) the fact they chose to go without underwear.
My suggestion is, do a tidying-detox. Get the tidiness-reflex out of your system (not if you really genuinely enjoy tidying, obviously: this is only for people who feel they must do it even though they don't want to). When untidiness causes problems, address them. Keep on like this until you see a job you definitely want to do, would enjoy tackling. Then do it. Then stop until the same feeling occurs again.
Yes, I know it sounds like madness. As I said, my house is fairly untidy. However, I like it. I feel comfortable here. It's relaxing, not pressured or stressful. If a pile of washing-up appears after a party, I either leave it, or I find I want to do it: what I don't have to do is, moan about what a pain it is for days, then grudgingly roll up my sleeves and drudge.
You don't have to believe me. You might think this is a very bad idea indeed. All I'm saying really is, it can work, and if it works that's a very good thing. People should not be enslaved by the demands of their own homes. They shouldn't even be coerced by the demands of their own homes. It's much better to enjoy life. Just think about it.
The BBC has this advice on their children's website (thanks to Natalie Solent) about what to do if you are a child worried about the news. I think it's amazingly useless.
Always check the facts if you hear a nasty story - it might not be true or it could be exaggerated.
Yeah, right. Even Tony Blair doesn't know what Saddam and his cronies are planning, so I don't see how a seven-year-old is going to check facts about how dangerous things are. Facts, as the BBC obviously doesn't know, are not that easy to identify. Or maybe they just don't want kids to know about that.
Remember that things in the news are often in the news because they don't happen very often.
Hmm, OK...
Discuss the news with your friends or chat about it on a message board. You'll be reassured that you're not the only one worried.
Right, do worrying in numbers always makes things better... unless it just results in mass-hysteria, of course. Although I don't think children are usually the worst offenders in that respect.
You could also talk to your teacher about it - maybe you could have a class discussion which would help you understand the issue better.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry. We're not very positive about schools on this blog.
Seriously, how come teachers, rather than parents, are assumed by the BBC to be better at giving kids information about the world? Since when did teachers become world-class political pundits, with intimate knowledge of and concern for the feelings of every child in their class?
The advice goes on to say that if things get really bad and you have actual trouble sleeping, you might want to mention your fears to those adult people you live with, just possibly...
Tell your mum or dad - reassurance from them will make you feel much better.
But not so you can discuss your fears and learn about the world; only so they can tell you everything is fine when you have reason to suspect that it probably isn't. (And only so they can get more sleep, of course).
Try talking about your nightmare or even drawing it. This will help you to confront your fear.
Just as well, seeing as there's no-one else around prepared to seriously discuss it with you...
Surround yourself with things that make you feel secure at night - even if it is your old teddy bear that you keep hidden from your mates!
Better still, surround yourself with things you enjoy all the time, and ignore your mates if they are horrible. But that's hard to do without proper adult support.
Try to balance the news you read. If you read a bad story then try and read a happy one before you go to bed.
There's a whole separate new blog to be written just about how ludicrous this one particular piece of advice is, but maybe I'll save that for later...
There is a party in my house today, so things have been and will continue to be busy for a bit longer. However, a heavy intellectual blog about how children's preferences change shape between birth and later childhood will follow later today, so please come back later... anyone want to help with the sandwiches, by the way?
Justin posts some deeper-than-average ideas about the Iraq situation on Tentativity.
Eject! Eject! Eject! is full of essays! Which seems is kind of educational! So I'm telling you about it! Another good thing on this blog is, links down the side with really good thorough explanations of what they are about and why they are worth reading. Take a look.
